Fever Dreams of a Feral (I)

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We knew night
mapped toward a low longing hum
an arrhythmia
Some say the—was what made the lips smack
Met him once
In a gas station once,
the sock hop white R&B
The kinda slow played that way in that one movie
      The one with all the cat people
We danced off beat
That voice made us end
the rubbing the length and width of our trauma
self-soothing ended. Made him stand stiff
He’s not moved since
This same night knew
I had no babies to feed Saturn to soothe his anger
My barren womb…I undressed every night
Let him take the flesh, the raw
The most difficult parts that threatened
to break his jaw
Saturn isn’t the only one who eats babies
spent so much time in his belly,
he taught me his way
Hot temper turned paternal,
Honey when you dine on bodies, seek a man’s heart
never his words
never his touch
or else, you’ll starve
We knew the thinning hours
of ambrosial hours we chased
It was when the wind was the fist
Knocking the door open
When ears heard engines carry quiet and empty
Within day being swallowed by asphyxiation
No shepherds here, but farm folk
A man aiming an indexed target at sky,
explains to Son,
See the pale pink, how it swallows the blue boy?
It’s an old one they say
about the Sun saying he’d exchange his whole self
for a witness of her yawn
Son. Pay attention.
Only be that man to give that kinda life
A girl, African Grandfather, and Jack Daniel’s
are held between the index and thumb
of thinning and ambrosial hours
where she tells him, I am going to die doing this
Where he says,
No. God doesn’t work that way.
You’ll even be able to make
another and another and another trip.
You’ll die going to help children
His words wrapped like the coat she wears
and Echo being herself vibrates
in the bones of the girl Die….like this….
Day heard the low hum felt in the bones
an arrhythmia
I corn mama myself leaving tendons,
blood, my unsatisfaction left in streets
offices. Sometimes apartments.
Sometimes bedsheets
The keep-keep on toil
and like all good work
this work has a song
Day’s caught when Alice called
Dig that dirt from nails
bite ‘em if we hafta
Spat out like chew of tobacco
        Nah, we don’t spat
        We swallow the bits of glass
        the poison, the…all of it
We not your lusty thangs
We nobody’s anythang
We are the hungry
The never fully fed
the…come here
In known dusk
the howl opens to the deep red
the back of the throat red
mouth, broken wide till teeth are on a flat plane
Where a tongue remains
as wet as the engorged cunt
The one not contained in panties
She’s the cave
Here I said
Now I said
Gonna swallow you, gulp you
Not said       promised
You’ve neva known a missin’ like this
No gimme said
No yank felt. You won’t feel gettin got
Imma take as I’ve always
But baby you’ll. Be. Full.
In Mama Nyx’s cervix
The drum spoke his voice
All things he hymned in silence
what he finna do when I said
I want it, like this
Once that howl was heard
of self, of vestments          no longer
Now be you an imagined thing
a figment of the untouchable thing
You be the that very thing, in a box
In this cave lit where daylight can’t touch
I am the horror, the hagged, the beauty
I’ve been had. I am the neva touched
No idea have you that your mouth can’t hold me
I am the unseen obscene
In known night
I’ve killed the toil in my bones
Let’em starve in that field
Corn Mama’s no more
I serve as I am served
I read his silences
he says his awakening, that utterance
is his is Mines
In the dusk when moon dares daylight,
Take holla outta ya lungs
focus on where you grew me
Gonna bring you to where the red disappears
The way earth is swallowed by water
I won’t swallow you
Won’t sacrifice my body to your yawn
Won’t need pieces of you gone missin’
Imma need all of you for what we finna…
you’ve imagined none of this child
My body in his hush
in the hum of his desire
legs carry me to ambrosia
in the forever night tucked in my womb
My body broke day
the way my body        won’t succumb
That low longing hum
how it grows
how it takes his voice
how it makes him have to use his hands

How to Reverse a Conjure
             for Remus

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Owl’s blood?
Too easy
Easy like the way
you appeared
and disappeared life
That kinda power always has balance

When you and yours
want to be Gods,
know that even Gods must
observe the rules:
No buried jars facing East
under no flowering tree
No owls killed by human hands

For this kind of undoing requires…

Poisonwell Diaries: Psalms of the Ossuary

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My mouth holds ungloved
hands while I sit in a chair
as a pale Latina
hums her “We” in my ear my when
white invades a sentence
She is the they I can’t unsee
I am mine only
when permission is granted
Permission is granted
to lay on his table       His
excitement and my Black
body fills the room
This body is solid, and
these hips… these hips are
built for babies    He taught
his sons to travel the world
This time, we ride an
open train car somewhere
in India an English
accent wraps my body
along with instruction:
To the white man who snagged
a Black one, What are you waiting for?
 Beget the children,
she’s made for it
My ears ring
with Bigbone eyes holding
the smile of a lightskin
dude time travelin like Papa,
He carries us to
another there              There he’s
the master’s son          Here
he plans my future      I am to
be with him
I am to be his cook
Some part of each day
Mama and me stuck in a
bedroom       I am the
cute to her beautiful         She
continues tellin me what
I am and what I am not
Some part of the night
I return to that dance floor
where white hands need to touch, forceful
grip       She, explainin why she
just had to Me losin count
of the unnamed they
of the way need and apology
are a snake’s open mouth
never aware of
devouring its own tail
My feet stay in stirrups
My body holds a cold
rod and unwarned gloved
fingers        I cause annoyance
I cause White Coat’s questions that
demand answers,
In that place, did someone touch you?
In that place, did someone force you?
In that place, you do not behave
You do not stay still
Those voices?      Them
explainin me to myself
remindin me        I’m an
undocked ghost ship. I’m an
ossuary of the unknown
awakening fingers
to their poke, to their prod,
and the eyes that
remember how to twist tongues
into language askin….
How much?
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