it’s scary to think about how much i yearn
for example, every now & then, wanting to die
or wanting to get a little smooch
i’m going to seize my adulthood by the throat
& give it a lecturing
to hell with the whole spiteful mess
now stand still
i am firing my laser
right at your curved disinterest
& i’d hate to miss

i’m doing all this because i hate myself
i know this & i don’t care
i’m going to throw a fancy party for myself
& smash it to bits
with or without you

i’m shifting into audacity mode
mentally destitute & thriving
i squeeze my head into jars like a little punk
every day i wake up to the mess
i left for myself the previous day
& make myself a promise
that at some point i will die
before i have to deal with any of it

sometimes i want to pick you up
& set you up on a shelf
& then knock you off of it
don’t like it?
why don’t you kill me about it?
fuck being vulnerable, i’m having a little snack
this bedroom is littered with god
once again, i find myself in a margarita state of mind
life is great if you don’t pay too much attention
looking regal in my own home & it is none of your business
your criticisms, while poignant & necessary, are not at all cute
my criticisms are cute like soap in your mouth
at the very least, let me be a failure in a comforting space
i’m broke as death & you can’t hurt me anymore
don’t go acting like you’re special
just because you get on my nerves

anyone can be a celebrity if it’s dark enough
it’s all a bit repetitive, don’t you think?
let’s refresh this train of thought
i’d really love for some shiny little world
to unfold itself for me right this second
always, i’m parting the curtain of memory
only to find a brick wall
i don’t want results
i just want to keep on behaving
as though there is still some time

the devil keeps chewing on my lightning
i am narrating the nature documentary of me
& not doing a very good job
some lofty word swivels on its elegance, swallows me whole
thwarted once again by the spastic musculature of time itself
i need this like a gasoline smell in my home
the neighborhood’s all tender & bloody
we keep standing in lines
someone gets stuck in a bush or something
& there goes the rest of the day
the only thing that works for me is nothing
sometimes i feel like frowning
& there’s nothing wrong with that the
people want a little bit of nastiness
that’s why i’m here
if i had known you were going to need me
i wouldn’t have even bothered coming

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